So this morning I get a phone call put through, it's his receptionist, "Dr. J does want you to come in..... I can get you in tomorrow at 1" in those few seconds I'm already about to fall in a heap, quickly blurt out ok we'll take it, thank you. Hang up and burst into tears. I know what this means...it means bad bad news!!!! He specifically said, if the results aren't good then I'll ask you to come in so we can have a serious chat.
Times like this I am ridiculosly grateful that I work with family. My sister in the desk right next to me instantly starting with the positive thoughts and I call my Mum to come over, she knows instantly and rushes. The three of us out in the kitchen, me crying and them doing everything they can to make me see this is going to be ok.
The funny thing is, I can deal with the news we need IVF. I mean if that's what it takes then that's what we'll do...but if he says that DH's sperm are unuseable or something to that affect of us needing a donor..well that's my worse nightmare right there!
My sister says maybe he's just going to say that there's only a 10% chance of us conceiving naturally so there's really no point in keeping on trying, and IVF is a good chance for us. That is what I'm thinking about, focusing on, praying for! That answer! Isn't it strange how what used to be worst case scenario, suddenly becomes best???!!!!
DH is going to fall to pieces, as I write that my brave front disappears and I well up. My poor amazing husband who everyone thinks the world of and is just the kindest most gentle man in the world will break down. I know it.
To my best friends who are there for me and texting me with the most caring things, I love you!!!! Thank you for being there for me and always picking me up when I fall. Don't ever forget how much you and your support means to me
So in just over 24 hours we will know our fate....and boy is it gonna be a looooong 24 hours!!!!!!
Ugghh! What is it with doctors who go tell you they want to see you and don't even provide a clue as to magnitude of the situation! Hooray for being super stressed due the question mark of mystery. *tsk tsk*
ReplyDeleteGoing to say it is unlikely that he's completely unuseable. They can do some pretty awesome stuff these days to make sure it is his bits and your bits that go together in making a bub. Still think based on the extreme differences between the previous two SAs that it is more likely to be case of subfertility than anything else. At least that is what I am going to hope like heck for you. Be prepared for the worst... but try (easier said than done) not to assume it.
I hope this 24 hours goes quickly and things go ok tomorrow. I really do. Fingers, toes and everything else crossed!
xxx